:::::::::::::::
:: Rich Schreiber- The Interview ::

WARNING: This interview is not for the faint of heart. Rich Schreiber is a horrible, horrible person. His language, remarks, views and
attitude are offensive. It is suggested that you skip this interview and go elsewhere. Our strongest apologies to everyone involved with this film that had to deal with him. We felt this interview would be a chance for Rich to redeem himself...

Q: What was your role in production of this movie?

A: Playing the character Stool

Q: Why did you want to take it on?

A: Todd's a close friend, and Richie always makes me look good on screen.

Q: Why did you insist on having approval on every other actor cast? Did you realize that other actors don't do that?

A: Because I wouldn't consider Todd to be a close friend and I don't trust his choices.

Q: Do you feel that the hostility from the crew toward you was valid?

A: No. I was treated like an invalid.

Q: Why did you have such a hard time understanding your role? Did you not read the script?

A: The character is based on one of Todd's ideas of what he (and nobody else) thinks is funny. I didn't read the script because there's no plot.

Q: What do you consider the biggest fight you got into during production?

A: A week after being there, Sheila called me a racist and I slapped her in the nose. She got all huffy-puffy and tried to call the police on me. I held a bottle up to her and told her she doesn't have the strength to stand up to me. Two days later, I woke up and she had inserted fish hooks into my anus.

Q: if you could beat up any cast or crew member without fear of repercussion, who would it be and why?

A: Sheila.

Q: Describe your sleeping and housing arrangements.

A: I lived wth Craig, Sheila, Will, PhilManda, and Kennerz. All we had to eat was frozen pizza, peanut butter, and cereal. There was an out of tune piano and a guitar.

Q: Were you impressed or excited about anything that occurred in this film?

A: Probably the most imressive and exciting thing about the film was the time all the crew members met up at midnight and, wait actually, nevermind, nothing exciting happened, I was thinking about the Law and Order shoot in Brooklyn last month. THOSE guys were awesome, and there was a much bigger budget.

Q: There was a rumor on set that you had stolen money from another actor's car...was this true?

A: Yeah, but then I stole some money from my own car, so it all evened out. I really paid for that mistake.

Q: There was also a rumor that you kicked a squirrel. How did you do that?

A: How did I do that? It's like kicking a dog, but dogs usually get all pissed and bite you and shit. Squirrels run away really fast when you kick them. If you kick them right, they limp away really fast.

Q: What's this with your band? Do they approve of you acting in films?

A: She approves of me acting, as long as it doesn't take away from the music. http://www.theniceones.com

Q: Now that we're editing it seems that you averaged about 15 takes per line, while the other actors averaged 2. Was there a problem?

A: Nope, no problem. It's kind of hard to get into a role about some guy who's supposed to be funny just because his haircut is bad and he wears funny thrift store clothes. most people would average 75 takes.

Q: Did you and Sheila get along during the shoot? Were you happy to be working with her again?

A: Like I said, she thinks I'm a racist and that just goes to show you how drunk and mistrustful Irish people are.

Q: As far as I understand it, you really thought Sheila was pregnant for the first few days of shooting. Do you feel that helped or hurt your performance?

A: It worried the hell out of me because I thought that shit was mine.

Q: Did you feel exploited at all acting in this film?

A: Actors are always being exploited. But what's the word you use for someone who is forced to read lines in front of a camera while wearing shorts that are so tight and short that they cut off your circulation? Shorts that in the crotch bisect the scrotum with such force that at the end of a 15 hr shoot, there's a dark purple line running straight down the middle of your sack? No, that's no exploitive, that's just fucked up. My nuts still bleed.

Q: What music should I use in the final film?

A: Something with a plot, like "Boy Named Sue"

Q: What have others said to you about the movie? What do you tell them about it?

A: I didn't tell anyone about it. "Hey, go see my nuts getting crushed!"

Q: What books are you reading right now?

A: I just finished a collection of diary entries written by French Deconstructionists. It's simply fascinating.

Q: Now that it's over, do you still feel like you wasted your summer (like you told me before you left)?

A: No I had fun. I'd definitely do it again.

Q: Were there any great stories that happened during the shoot that you can share?

A: I was in the CommutaCar shooting with Delabia and they hid the mics inside the car so they could pick up all the sound without
a boom in the shot. I put a milkshake in between my legs after my lines and I had to lean over to try and make out with her and i
crushed the milkshake. It made a distictive noise and I stopped acting to try and tell Todd that it had spilled. But when I looked out the window, I saw that Todd had been listening on headphones the whole time and he obviously heard it because he was doubled over on the ground laughing. Further proof that Todd's priority when shooting a film is not to get things on screen, but to laugh at the funny situations that arise during the shooting itself.

END

12.03.04